Three Ways to Prevent FaceBook from Blocking Emotional Intimacy With Your Partner

Three Ways to Prevent FaceBook from Blocking Emotional Intimacy With Your Partner

June 20th, 2015 Comments Off
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nowyouwantmenowyoudont! Fear of Intimacy guide

Checking into Facebook on a Monday morning, 33-year-old Caprice was gutted. There were no photos uploaded onto her 35-year-old partner Dante’s page showing them together at the beach party over the weekend. It felt like Dante was saying that they weren’t a couple, and that he didn’t enjoy being with her.

She always made a point of ‘liking’ stuff that family and friends put up because it made them happy, and only took a second to do. Why couldn’t Dante do the same? It must mean that their relationship was on shaky ground and that she wasn’t good enough to “show off!”

Later that day she checked into Facebook again. There were still no pictures. Nothing on Instagram either. Hope died completely that Dante was ever going to do what she thought was the proper things for couples in love.  The text she sent Dante from that disappointed place felt to him as if he were being scolded and then controlled. He felt pressure to do as she said or else be labeled as unloving!

When they met after work that night Dante exploded with anger about being forced to do what Caprice wanted in order to prove his loyalty and commitment. What about all the things he did for her at home? How many other men did the cooking and the laundry? Why wasn’t it enough that they had a fantastic time at the beach party and everyone saw them as a great couple?


The big fight started! It was always the same one!



Why can’t you do this little thing for me?

Why don’ you see all the things I already do?



Why can’t you post on Facebook and Instagram like other couples do?

Why can’t I do it when I feel like it instead of when you force me?



I post to make you feel special, so why can’ you do that for me?

Why aren’t I good enough the way I am? Okay, if it means that much, I’ll do it.

If you do it now it isn’t the same. You’re just doing it because I asked, not because yu really mean it!

nowyouwantmenowyoudont! Book on fear of intimacy 

Back and forth, back and forth, FaceBook and Instagram posts become the currency of the relationship.

It’s a great way of avoiding emotional intimacy.

It’s a great way of avoiding the vulnerability that came when they had a good time at the beach party – which could otherwise trigger fear of being abandoned.

It’s a great way of making sure good moments are not fed and nurtured with focused attention and appreciation on them.

It’s a wonderful way of souring emotionally intimate experiences so that they don’t come up again.

But best of all, it an expert move to cover up the fear of emotional intimacy that plagues their relationship.

After all, if they got emotionally intimate it meant being exposed –

What if Caprice saw Dante’s ugly bits? Would she get disgusted and walk away?

What if Dante saw Caprice’s ugly and shameful bits? Would she hold her nose and become condemnatory and judgmental?


But if Facebook and Instagram posts are the issue then they can condemn, judge, show disgust and punish each other with abandonment threats repeatedly – with no ugly bits showing!


How can they lower their fear of emotional intimacy and keep the ugly bits under cover?

  • Hold onto the good moments and replay them whenever Caprice feels unimportant.
  • Savor the moments together whenever Dante feels unappreciated.
  • Look at their photos together and relive their bonding experience


copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. 2015


Author of: Now You Want Me, Now You Don't! Fear of Intimacy: Ten ways to recognize it and ten ways to manage it in your relationship

"Dr. Raymond takes us through a case study where we hear from both sides of a couple going through marital issues and counseling. I thought that was an excellent way to illustrate the 10 steps Dr. Raymond introduced. The information contained is raw, gritty, and I became emotionally involved in the outcome of the couple's relationship. Is it all sweetness and light? heck no, but it is fascinating." Reviewer on Net Galley

You might also like:

How to get your partner to see you the way you see yourself

Three ways to conquer the fear of emotional intimacy when the walls are up


Disclaimer: this article is for informational and educative purposes only. Dr. Raymond is not responsible for any reactions you may have when reading the content or using the suggestions therein. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Jeanette Raymond



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