ADVICE ON THE FEAR OF EMOTIONAL INTIMACY AND HOW TO MANAGE IT

 

 

DURING AN INTERACTION YOU MIGHT NOTICE YOURSELF GETTING IRRITATED.

You may find yourself trying harder to get noticed and actually have a dialogue.

You may find yourself getting very frustrated, feeling invisible and then just giving up.

 

IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOUR PARTNER IS PUTTING UP A WALL SO YOU CANNOT CONNECT IN AN EMOTIONALLY INTIMATE WAY.

 

HERE ARE THE 21 ways your partner will deflect you.

Your partner will:

 

1.       Change the subject

 

2.       Won't respond to what you have said, just talk on…………..

 

3.       Will not pause between topics, just run on

 

 

4.       Talk over you

5.       Talk at you

6.       Say ‘you’ not ‘I’

7.       Cut you off before you finish saying what you feel in relation to them

8.       Begin a response to you by saying, “no…”

9.      Take the opposing point of view (you are sympathetic, they are critical of the same issue)

10.    Divert you from the point you are trying to make

11.    Say “I know what you are going to say.’’

12.    Use ‘explanations’ as a distraction from the emotional connection

 

 

 

13.    Look away while you are talking

14.   Avoid eye contact when they are talking

15.   Play with hands, hair, nails, clothing, phone

16.   Brush off compliments and praise

17.   Breathe heavily and sigh when it’s your turn to talk

18.   Pretend to listen or make room for you, but not taking any notice of your information

19.   Say "yes" to things robotically without even listening to what you asked or said

20.   Get busy with an activity while interacting with you

21.   Finish your sentence before you

 

So what can you do with your irritation and frustration?

• Be open about your frustration by using "I" words, so your partner doesn't put the wall up even higher.
  
• Be clear in your words that you want to connect and you feel blocked.
  
• Tell them you feel blocked or pushed away each time it happens.
  
• Ask your partner what they feel uncomfortable about to open up the channels of communication.
  

 

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. 2015

 You might also like:

How to deal with the regret of the "I wish I had said……….." feeling!

Four ways to reconnect when your partner snubs you

Five ways to shift from the "I" body language to the "we" body language in your intimate relationships

 

Disclaimer: this article is for informational and educative purposes only. Dr. Raymond is not responsible for any reactions you may have when reading the content or using the suggestions therein. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Jeanette Raymond