Five Ways Date Nights Promote Emotional Intimacy In Your Relationship

Five Ways Date Nights Promote Emotional Intimacy In Your Relationship

January 14th, 2015 Comments Off
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Do you have a 'date night' set aside each week?

Do you look forward to it, or is it just an evening away from the usual routine?

Are you and your partner going on date nights just because it gives the appearance of a good relationship, but don't enjoy the experience?

 I work with so many couples who either have no date nights or who pay lip service to the purpose it serves.

Some couples go out to a movie and or restaurant, but barely speak a word to each other.

Other couples find a connection by using the shared time to create mutual enemies within their extended families.


Rarely do couples maximize the opportunity to use date night to get closer to each other and strengthen their bonds.

Here are 5 ways couples could capitalize on their chance to be emotionally intimate through date nights:

1. Recapture the thrill of hanging out together with no particular agenda or activity.

When you get out of the roles you play in everyday life, you get to see and experience the essence of each other. That authentic and genuine aspects of yourselves reappear. You get to tap into those vital parts of the person you fell in love with, and recharge the batteries of attachment.

2. Give yourself a chance to dress up and feel attractive and desirable again.

When you live with your partner it's hard to feel physically and emotionally attractive when you are dealing with chores and work demands.  Conflict and tension don't inspire you to keep yourself fit and looking good. When you don't feel close emotionally, you have no incentive to make yourself desirable physically.

Date night gives you a regular weekly opportunity to press the reset button and refresh the process. Making the effort to look good for yourself and your partner boosts the value of the investment you are making in the time you spend together alone together.

When you dress up and feel sexy and attractive you approach your partner in a different way. Instead of seeing someone who arrived late or forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, you see, smell and touch someone who excites you and makes you feel wanted.

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3. Committing to a specific time together each week boosts confidence that you are wanted, valued and important to your partner.

Being chosen as 'the one' your partner wants to spend time with is a special feeling. It can get lost when your routine takes over and your relationship needs get sidelined or put on hold. Feeling sought after is a huge turn on both sexually and emotionally. Each of you feel confident and have a good sense of self. When you feel good about yourself you become a more solid person that your partner can relate to and enjoy.

4. Space and time to share your deepest fantasies, fears and hopes.

One of the most important aspects of emotional intimacy is feeling safe enough to share fantasies about your life together – or some of your disappointments. It's letting your partner see your inner self that creates trust, empathy, and mutual comforting despite hearing things that may not be too pretty. The delicate nature of exposing your inner fantasies and be accepted is the core of emotional intimacy.


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5. Provides an atmosphere of togetherness where you have the incentive to jointly work on entrenched and thorny family, life style and other issues.

When you are  struggling with daily life it's hard to find room for listening to each others point of view when you just want to get the problems solved. But date night gives you the incentive to check in with each other, see where you are both coming from and TOGETHER solve the issues, rather than berate each other for dropping the ball.


AUTHOR OF 'Now You Want Me, Now You Don't! Fear of Intimacy: ten ways to recognize it and ten ways to manage it in your relationships."


Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. 2015

 You might also like:

Three ways to conquer the fear of emotional intimacy when the walls are up.

Five reasons why being perfect kills emotional intimacy

Complimenting your partner can cause relationship problems


Disclaimer: this article is for informational and educative purposes only. Dr. Raymond is not responsible for any reactions you may have when reading the content or using the suggestions therein. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Jeanette Raymond


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