Five Reasons Why Being Perfect Kills Emotional Intimacy

Five Reasons Why Being Perfect Kills Emotional Intimacy

December 19th, 2014 Comments Off
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Are you trying to be the 'perfect partner'?

Do you have an image of what that should be and attempt to emulate it all the time?

If so, you are depriving you and your partner of the the connection and closeness that could be the cornerstone on which your relationship is founded.

When you are busy and engrossed with implementing your idea of the perfect partner, you are focused on an ideal and not on the reality of your relationship.


Trying to be the perfect partner kills emotional intimacy in 5 ways:


Book Now You Want Me Now You Dont - fear of intimacy

  • You are not available to be with your partner emotionally since you are focused on and attending to a fantasy relationship in your head.


  • You create a chasm between you and your partner because you don't get to know what they want, need or desire from you and the relationship.


  • You treat the relationship as a business arrangement where you have to prove your worth by your actions, making any emotional connection impossible.


  • You look for approval for your 'perfect' thoughts and deeds, turning the relationship into one where validation rather than emotional intimacy is the prime objective.


  • You rob the relationship of equality by trying to be perfect and therefore superior – that ensures that emotional intimacy is dead in the water.

Three things you can do to get out of that perfection mode and have a real relationship:


Book 'Now You Want Me, Now You Don't! Fear of Intimacy"

You can be more grounded in reality when you bend and stretch with your partner, so you are in synch.

Book, 'Now You Want Me, Now You Don't.'

You can be available for your partner to just listen and comfort without trying to fix them





Book, 'Now You Want Me, Now You Don't! Fear of Intimacy

You can check in with each other regularly so that you are emotionally connected


AUTHOR OF 'Now You Want Me, Now You Don't! Fear of Intimacy: ten ways to recognize it and ten ways to manage it in your relationships."


Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

 You might also like:

Your rule about love can make you feel unloved

Rules about the roles that partners should play stops relationships from getting to first base

Enjoying intimacy like you did in the early days


Disclaimer: this article is for informational and educative purposes only. Dr. Raymond is not responsible for any reactions you may have when reading the content or using the suggestions therein. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Jeanette Raymond


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