Now You Want Me, Now You Don't, Excerpt from Chapter 20 - SIGN SIX


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Now You Want Me, Now You Don’t, Excerpt from Chapter 20 – SIGN SIX

July 22nd, 2014 No Comments
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Fear of Intimacy: Ten ways to recognize it and ten ways to manage it in your relationship.
 
 

"I couldn't put the book down! It was such a good read. Dr.Raymond is such an insightful therapist." Dr. Michelle Cohen, LA Talk Radio host of "On the Couch with Dr. Michelle."


"I enjoyed your book very much. I learned a lot about the challenges of emotional intimacy!" Sandy Weiner, host of LastFirstDate radio show!

 
Excerpt from Chapter 20: Fear of Intimacy Sign six –Not being able to take compliments
 
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. 2014
 
(Middle of a therapy session)
“Do you remember the thrill you felt when you first saw her?”
“Yes, it hit me like a ton of bricks – l was drawn to her like a magnet!” he said in surprise.
“You sensed the excitement she offered. She wasn’t going to be saintly and boring, but give you a run for your money, just like your mother!”
“You mean I was attracted to her because she was like my mother?”
“Your unconscious recognized the similarity and it attracted you. But this time, it was even more thrilling because you had the power to make her respond the way you want, something you didn’t have as a child.” I offered.
“It’s like something I have to do, but I feel like I just can’t win.”
“It’s because you are using outdated battle tactics. Instead of having power struggles like you did as a child, you can try and meet her where she is.”
“I like the sound of that – being equal,” he said eagerly.
“It’s a two-step process…
Step one: When Christy dismisses your compliments stop it right in its tracks. Jolt her out of her auto-pilot mode, and give her a reality check. Say: ‘Christy I just gave you a compliment. You didn’t acknowledge or react to it. What feels bad about it?”
“Hmm…. I don’t know if that will work. She’ll probably get angry and feel accused,” he said.
“You have already dismissed the plan before trying it out. That’s one way in which you set yourself up for failure Rick.”

“You don’t know her like I do! I know how she’s going to take this- I’m just being realistic!” he snapped back.
“Yes, you do know her better than me, but your experience with her is colored by your expectations of failure and defeat.”
He sunk down into his turtle neck sweater looking down.
“No matter how often you fail to penetrate Christy’s armor with your goodness, you persist in using it as your only tool of seduction,” I said.
 He winced.
“I give you accurate feedback about your responses in here, and if you do the same with Christy, there will be less hiding and more relating.”
After he had another rant about why my ideas were useless, I called him out on the fact that he made Christy out to be the obstacle, when in reality he didn’t want to implement the strategy.
 
 
 
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. 2014
All rights reserved.
No part of this excerpt may be reproduced in any form whatever.
 


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